Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Lately I've been thinking

Which is always a dangerous thing to do. Specifically, I've been thinking about how babies perceive the world. I hadn't realized that babies eyes don't really work normal when they come out. In fact they can't really see more than a foot in front of them, they haven't figured out how to track something with their eyes, everything visible is in black and white, they can see like Predator in the near infrared, and can see the zzzz's coming off of soundly sleeping humanoids so they know when to wake them up. Okay, so maybe not all of that is true, but I think that is the general gist. However, even with these limitations/superhero abilities people have found that they can recognize Mom's face. Weird.

So why have babies evolved to only be able to see a foot in front of their face? Is it a defense mechanism to ward off predators, a cosmetic trait to lure a future mate? No, in fact it serves as a bait to attract victims much like the venus fly trap. By only being able to see a foot in front their face babies attract larger people who must get close in order to be recognized by baby in order to satisfy their "snuggle" desire. This allows perfect placement for the barf mechanism. Once the humans are stuck close to baby, it emits the day's food directly on them. This has proven through the years to be extremely entertaining for the baby by providing instant stimulation and commotion. I will soon be publishing this theory in the New England Journal of Medicine so please don't steal it.

Then there is their hearing. People tell me that they can hear you in the womb. Now I believe this. However, can they really recognize my voice once they come out? It seems like voices in the womb would sound to a giant baby kind of like being underwater in a pool full of jello. This is the subject of video below.

Allright, I've got to run. I'm sure there are spelling/grammar errors all over these two posts that I may clean up later, but that is all for now.


  1. I think the wingspan thing is great. It has an embracing sort of feel about it. I'd keep it.
    Also: unlock you vid. Can't see it!

  2. Justin-
    This video should be up for an Oscar this evening. Is this what you're dreaming of when you crunch numbers about the atmosphere all day? As always, when I get a peek inside your brain, I'm amazed.